Faith is a beautiful word that didn't mean a great deal to me when I was younger. Then I pigeonholed it to narrowly define an unshakeable belief in supernatural beings and events. As the still inchoate development of my belief system moved this way and that, it morphed into a "going inward" not a "looking outward" for strength as I continued to search for who I am on a deep level by reaching into the core for the Divine Within as explained by Jung.
I have touched the Divine Within on a number of occasions, sometimes it merely flickers, but other times it glows from the place where I imagine my soul to be. Still, it begs the question: what do I have faith in? What thoughts or deeds give rise to the divine? It's hard to imagine looking at nature and not feeling a responsive glow. Perhaps a recognition of pantheism? Kindness to others--and self--fans its flames, too. The ongoing success of Humanitas which is now in its fourth year is held in place by the compassion and empathy shown by my fourteen colleagues who volunteer each week, and who show up, rain or shine, with the desire to help others. Is this a faith in people? I guess so.
I am not the same person I was before my son died. It's as if a layer were peeled off my psyche through numbness and anguish, through denial and fear that this terrible event had come to pass. My dear son. How I miss him. No longer will my genes be carried forth as proof of my life continuing after my death. I struggled and still struggle sometimes to find another meaning to my life. However,I am beginning to realize that life is simply not about procreation but about evolution as well. It's about how we develop--how we change--how we demonstrate our values in the way we live our lives.
Faith is a warm, comfortable feeling, bringing an awareness and a mindfulness of day to day interactions, a willingness to participate in modeling a way of kindly living.
Do I think I will live on after death? No. Do I believe in energy I can't see? Yes. But I am unable to make the leap from the electrical signals that emanate from living beings to ongoing stimuli when the body shuts off. I understand that electrical signals travel forever through the atmosphere, but once the TV or computer or body is unplugged, no new signals erupt. Am I afraid of death? No, as long as I can hold on to my faith until the last moment.
I have faith in science and I also have faith in the arts. They go hand in hand in producing a well rounded education and thus a well rounded human being. They are also how we find inspiration and pleasure. I also know what I doubt--rigid dogma, religious or otherwise--and I know I will never understand how we can look at other living creatures who are suffering and not want to do something about it.
My faith in some Americans has been sorely shaken in this election cycle but I cannot make the leap to "what's wrong with this country?" because I know many people who are as appalled as me. Americans can do much better than the current hateful atmosphere that has been wrought--and I have faith that we will.
Lives are made up of small acts of trust and I have been the recipient of many acts of friendship and kindness. This is probably the ground on which my inner core rests, so that I can allow my faith to thrive. It is important to remember that faith is a living force, at once moving or sedate, quiet or noisy and sometimes it flies completely out of reach for a while before it floats back to embrace our imaginative soul. It is a bulwark against neediness and a comfort in distress, and at times it dances with the daffodils.
